frustrated.. confused.. *crying*

I have no strength left.. The pain comes but I can't cry.. When i'm left alone.. The urge to cry starts till I can control no more.. Wat is happening to me? All the signs are comin back again.. But I don't want it to happen again.. I don't want it to sneak back up on me again..

I don't know what is happening to me.. Or y either.. I controlled everything I could that is within me.. Am I breaking down already?

These attacks.. Pain.. They're getting frequent.. My chest does contracts n cause my breathing wif much difficulty..

It's a very raw feeling towards pain.. What is wrong wif me?

kiss tt good bye..

kiss my ass or rather not wen it comes to men..

okie.. i'm cranky.. but so wat.. wen it comes to men, dey sux..

but wen it comes to my bitches.. i'm home..

men - get a grip.. we dun need ur excuses.. coz if u do, we'll do one very simple thing.. gif u hell n send u back to mars lik a dog kana whipped wif it'z tail in between it'z legs..

so dun come to venus or earth thinkin lik some hot shot wen u r not...

*pissed*

had an attack again last nitez..

kept bangin da wall.. couldn't breathe.. i wanted to scream.. i can't let them noe.. not juz yet..

i really don't know wat's wrong wif me.. wen can u end my life of dis freakin misery??

i dun wan dis helplessness.. i am supposed to be strong.. not weak..

*crying*

wat can u do wen u find urself trapped into a love so strong tt u can't have?

it won't matter if it'z a want or not.. but a need wil arise.. pain wil follow suit.. much of it wil cause a lot of hurt..

it'z forbidden n I took tt chance on love n i'm payin for it at a high price..

u can't imagine how much of it.. no one understands it.. they juz feel it without any understandments..

I took it all down wif risks.. my life could be takn away frm me any time.. I knew it wen I nearly had an accident near home.. n I was walkin home wif ks n we were talkin abt some stuff abt life itself wen tt happened...

dis whole month.. I can't believe i'm stil lovin u.. dis pain of knowin tt I can't have u was entirely mine to keep n not harbour..

yes, I enjoyed my time wif u... but I can't do things lik u can.. I haf a family to account for..

my brothers r stil in sch..

my parents r getting no younger..

n u can't expect me to choose u over them.. coz they r stil my family..

it'z juz not fair of u to do tt..

grandma'z juz not long ago passed away last month n grief stil fresh in me..

I can't deal wif anythin..

n todae u backed out frm meetin me..

I could call u a thousand negative names to brand u... but I won't..

i'm stil usin my last strength to rein in everything frm strikin at u..

my breakin point is when I really start cryin infront of u.. den maybe u can start to attack me..

I won't care anymore.. abt wat is it u do to me.. I juz can't..

i'll be helpless..

sometimes I juz feel lik endin my life instead of carryin on wif dis hurt.. dis deep hole in me..

an attack comes rackin my breathing n heartbeat.. sometimes i wish tt I can end it dere.. da torture of it.. makes me wonder y am I stil alive n pissed off at certain times..

wat r u to me? u ask?

wat do u think I am to u? n wat do u think u r to me?

y not u answer to tt?

when da answer is clear as da bell to u n u stil ask it..

pls quit askin.. juz accept it tt I love u n it'z beyond anyone'z understandin of y how n wat..

i'll juz let u go when u cal for a break off..

wat do u wan me to do?.. I can't do anythin since it'z ur cal for a break off..

da status of it now, it'z up to u..

u decide..

*cryin*

Stubborn Love lyrics

Lyrics:

I'm caught again, your faithless friend
do you ever tire of hearing
What a fool I've been
guess I should pray what can I say
Oh, it hurts to know the hundred times I've caused you pain
Forgive me sounds so empty
when I never change
Yet you stay and say you love me still forgiving me time and time again

Chorus:

It's your stubborn love
that never lets go of me
I don't understand how you can stay
Perfect love, embracing the worst in me
How I long for your stubborn love

Funny me, just couldn't see, even long before I knew you, you were loving me
Sometimes I cry, you must cry too,
when you see the broken promises
I made to you, I keep saying that I'll trust you, though I seldom do,
yet you stay and say you love me
still knowing someday I'll be like you

(Chorus)

It's your stubborn love that never lets go of me
I don't understand how you stay
Perfect love, embracing the worst in me
and you'll never let me go
I believe I finally know,
I can't live without, your stubborn love.

*pissed n frustrated*

not in a good mood..

ytd work wasn't good.. got a customer who pissed me off continuously.. thank god i didn't lose my cool..

came home n got screamed at..

todae not a good wan as well.. came home n quarrelled again..

y can't i make my own decisions for myself?? y muz i be treated lik a small 3yr old child??..

y can't things go well for once??

i'm stressed out.. i need a break.. i dun need to be screamed at anymore.. home isn't home anymore...

y cant i do my own things lik goin out wif frenz or bf?? i dun need anyone to control me.. i feel caged.. i want out.. i need out.. effin financial crisis..

dis haf caused everyones' lives to go havoc.. i've minimized everything.. wat else am i supposed to do??

i've add in more work load n its stil not enough??..


wat is enough??

y do pple can't feel or haf contentment??

i hate da world.. its selfish ambition to drive everyone into a rat race wif its saddistic nature to watch everyone torture themselves in a continuous cycle..


da nature of a female as well.. i hate it.. its freakin cramps drives me crazy wif pain.. it gives me attacks as well.. dis freakin mood swings as well..


i'm breakin down.. i'm tired of it all..

*cryin*

Mr Orion'z laundry dae..

okie..

went to see pleseides shower.. at changi..

was tryin to locate aries.. ended up starin at Orion'z belt..

couldn't find his pants.. ended up starin straight at his underwear..

den wen i was home downstairs baby joked tt orion muz done another load of laundry tt includes his wife'z..

lolz..

coz my hse da basketball court has some lightin deco wif a flag.. n tt lightin deco had da shape of a bra...

it was hangin in da middle of da court..

lolz..

some wild thing..


O.o

crazy week!!!

so tired...

so lookin forward to my 2 off daez..

really need a break.. everydae work.. no rest no fun..

i wan da beach.. bowlin alley.. pool tables.. swimmin pools.. CHALET pls!!!

i miss dragonboatin as well...

saw so many pple carryin paddles at IMM as well.. made me long n itch for my paddle n team..

i miss u guys.. i miss da constant " high " yellin for hard 10.. i miss our cheers.. n i tink i'm growin fatter liaoz..

i miss da hard trainin whereas wen i come home n i'll juz plonk comfortably into peaceful deep sleep..

i'm so lookin forward to my sundaez off daez as well..
no need to rush frm church to work..

which means.. from church to band pract..

lolz..

hmmm...

wen can i haf off daez juz to go for DB trainin??

i seriously need da exercise..


O.o