...zzzz Livin' it right zzz...

my onli prayer..

2012-01-14T01:04:00.002+08:00

lord help me wher i'm weak.. support me wher i'm strong..make me put u first so tt i can love u more..give me a man who fears n loves u, so tt he can love my family n me like i'd do for him..

hurt enough..

2012-01-02T01:30:00.001+08:00

I've had it.. I have enough of hurts already..

No more this or that..

I'm trusting God to give me this last chance to make things right..

No more atheists or unequally yoked rs..

I am drained n tired..

I can no longer rely on my own strength to carry on..

Trusting God to give me a God-fearing man to be my Hosea..

I really miss having one at my side.. God knows I need one now..

It is my resolution..

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it hurts..

2011-12-30T01:43:00.001+08:00

It hurts to noe wen he goes behind ur back to meet gals wen he already promised not to..

Wen I saw tt msg on da main chat.. Tt trust has somehow broken..

How can u Juz ask females onli wen dere r ao many guys around??

U said u Will be serious wif me.. But r u really bein serious wif me??

How many times muz I be hurt by u??

U think tt I Tot tt u r Juz joking onli..

How much do noe Wat I know of u??

I had always remembered ur promises tt u promised me on tt first day we dated n talked serious in tt mt Faber garden..

How much was tt tt u really mean Wat u say n how much was Juz empty promises lik da other guyz made to me???

How much was tt was honestly made to me??

I'm upset n confused..

Can I trust u at all??

My heart hurts.. How much can u ever heal my heartache??

Juz prove tt u can pls?? I dun wanna suffer anymore..

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betrayals..

2011-12-08T19:52:00.001+08:00

I hate it.. So many.. Yet it still happens.. Y can't tt stop?? I can onli wish but it doesn't stop hurting..

I'm afraid..

Tt u Will go round my back n betray me.. I can't really hold myself up for long.. I'm failing..

Stay wif me n show me tt I mean everything to u.. I hate bein ignored.. I hate bein toyed wif..

I hate bein shoved down..

My heart hurts wen I see signs tt u dun want me.. Prove it to me tt u do love me..

Mean Wat u say wen u promise me anything..

Tell me a logical reason as to why u can't fulfill at any one time..

I can't take another hurt again otherwise I'll run away n fade off..

I onli want ur love n attention..

I dun wanna cry anymore.. It hurts..

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I wanna run away..

2011-12-03T01:11:00.001+08:00

My heart hurts.. I feel as though I had been lied to.. It hurts to know how much damage had been done..
He doesn't know how different I am from anyone..

All of us r complex as it is..

Da way it was said n done.. Made me sound like a hypocrite as well..

He doesn't understand da way I see things differently..

Who can ever fathom me??

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2011-11-12T13:48:00.001+08:00

hikisanai!! moii no hentai desu!! =.="""

my heart hurts..

2011-11-02T00:47:00.001+08:00

It hurts to know how much is bein done.. But wen u dun get to see tt person u love.. It still hurts coz of tt longing n loneliness n heartache..

Baby I wish dere is a way to take away ur pain.. Ur suffering.. N ur burdens.. Juz to hear u laugh n joke again.. N to see u smile n tt mischievous glint in ur eyes..

Dis silence is unbearable.. It hurts..

It hurts to see u hurting..

I wanna do dis right.. U asked me to be serious wif u.. Coz u r serious abt it.. I couldn't ask for more..

I've told u Wat I really want from u..

Juz love.. Support.. N bein there for me in my ups n downs.. N calming my storms wen dere is no one n no where else.. U r my anchor..

Without u.. I would haf still been floating around..

I feel so empty without u..

I need to know tt u dere wif n for me..

I dun want to be alone..

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y???

2011-10-30T11:40:00.001+08:00

Y????? Y muz dis happen??? Damn C# key... Y muz u die on me??? My darling clarinet.. I really dunno where to find u a doctor... *Damn upset*

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2011-10-30T10:21:00.001+08:00

... Watashi wa nemuri Ni sakenda.. Watashi wa harebottai kao wa, korera no nemurenai yoru Ni Watashi no sabishisa o omoidashimashita.. Watashi wa hontõni anata Ni õku o ketsujo.. Anata wa Watashi Ni kite kudasaide wa nai nodarou ka???

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I long for u...

2011-10-27T01:23:00.001+08:00

I miss u.. I need u.. I want u.. I love u dearly... N I need a hug n a kiss from u.. When can I get one???? N make it last for da whole day???

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2011-10-25T01:46:00.001+08:00

I miss u.. I cry because I care.. I haf my own wants n needs but I ignore them because I want to know Wat r u thinkin of wen u r silent or when u r not telling me Wat u want n need me to hear n listen to ur heart...

It isn't easy but I'm willing to try..

So many things I wanna do wif u.. But didn't get round to it due to ur circumstances..

Right now.. I want to go over n see for myself if u r Okie or not..

My heart hurts for u when I noe u r hurting bad..

My heart tells me to do things tt I dunno where to begin wif..

To hug or kiss is part of my comfort for u.. But den I haf sth entirely different for u wen I'm done wif it.. I'll show u Wat my heart is lik n show u tt I understood..

I miss u n I love u.. Juz wish tt I can see u right now..

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things aren't as they seem..

2011-10-23T01:37:00.001+08:00

My heart feels kinda heavy.. I feel lik a prick.. Sometimes I feel I'm not good enough.. So much so tt I feel lik crying.. But I hold on n wait again n again..

I need to keep myself from breaking down..

Alter my thoughts so tt I don't hurt anyone else..

I'm tryin so hard tt I wish I don't do anything to hurt u..

I'm torn.. I'm hurt... But I keep ignoring myself Juz for u..

Yet I always keep asking myself.. Y am I doin dis again every single rs tt I go thru??

Yet I'm stubborn.. Always pushing myself until everyone says I'm no longer smiling but forcing myself again...

Yet I want to.. I'm not da easiest person to know or to live wif..

But I always try to make things easier for others..

I sacrifice because I love.. Coz I'm born to love.. Pain bearer.. Onli few Will see a glimpse of my pain.. None Will experience or expect my pain.. None Will ever know my full extent of it.. Coz no one else can bear it.. Any single person who sees it, Will run far away from me.. Either tt or deny it or betray me.. Or even make a mockery out of me..

Everything has been taken away from me.. Wat more can I offer anymore?? I've been robbed of everything..

I've nth left.. I'm Juz an empty shell..

My tears mean nth to anyone..

I cry till I'm no longer feeling anything but Juz pain.. I grief but I Nv showed it..

So numbed wif pain..

I'm Juz greeted wif silence..

It hurts.. All tt longing.. All tt betrayals.. It hurts a lot..

Yet it takes courage to step up n to love a person entirely.. It takes all tt bravery to deal wif da hurts n false fronts tt pple gif... It takes patience to learn a person n to be tolerant to others.. It takes endurance to face up betrayals n to deal wif all tt pain...

Do I really haf tt in me???

Wat is so special for u to want me at all???

Can u deal wif all tt I go thru everyday???

I dun do well wif lies n deception.. N I haf been honest to u since day one..

I'm doin dis because I love u...

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mind..

2011-10-18T18:24:00.001+08:00

my mind is still on u.. n u r not too far away from my mind..

wen I get to see u.. da longing n sadness gets washed away n forgotten..

I don't know y or how.. U've helped me find my heart n da pieces of it together.. all mending back..

n I want nth else but Juz u..

Thx babe.. I love u..

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indecision but decided..

2011-10-12T01:50:00.001+08:00

crap... I want to sing but I need to write.. I wanna do both badly..

I dunno how long I've shut myself down..

so much on my mind yet.. It'z been so long tt a special person made me feel dis way enough to write my need.. to feel dis bad need to sing..

It'z been too long.. n I need tt..

too long since I last felt really safe.. far too long..

da things I noe n do Will not always be da same..

I'm re-learning to live again.. it'll be hard.. but I'm willing to try n pick up da pieces n make new ones..

It'z hard but I noe I'll be dere..

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041011... i'll always remember tt mornin.. ;)

2011-10-05T00:30:00.000+08:00

a start of a new thing.. i'm scared but i'm willin to try n overcome my fear.. thx baby.. for showin me how itz done.. ;)my memories of u n in future, will be treasured n cherished always..;-*

dun quite noe how to put it.. but....

2011-10-04T22:44:00.001+08:00

I'm addicted to u!!!!!

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y???

2011-09-14T01:29:00.001+08:00

I am angry... but I dun even noe y..

maybe I still can't feel anymore or I Juz am left out again..

hurts tt I thrown aside starts to annoy me.. coz tears comes to me without warning.. I don't wanna cry but I do..

I carry on tt facade of happiness coz I had hoped to grow into it..

I end up half in it n half out of it..

y is it so difficult to abandon myself for once n concentrate putting on tt smile for tt someone I love??

I see all of them happy.. I felt withdrawn..

Wat is wrong wif me??

has my heart completely disappeared??

I dun trust anyone anymore..
I'm so afraid of having it broken again.. I can't.. I'm so afraid tt I can't commit my heart da person I really want..
I'm so afraid tt he or she might on turn on me again n my essence gone again..

y so many hurts n yet da right person won't come??

muz I be completely long gone den he comes along??

or has da right person came already n my heart so long gone tt I don't noe it??

I'm so numbed right now..

muz I grief now??

I cannot take da lies n deception anymore.. or whatever cruel jokes on me..

I.Juz can't... coz people can't seem to see me for who I really am anymore..

I wish dis taunt of waiting fate would stop haunting me..

I'm really upset.. I.Juz wish tt tt right person would come to me now..

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2011-09-13T01:35:00.001+08:00

why is everybody trying to matchmake me wif another few more guyz???i seriously dun understand.. i'm really not gonna gif in to tt kind of nonsense..haiz.. guyz i like?? not here.. coz dere is not one single guy who speaks his mind clearly n honestly to me.. n enough to let me understand wat is goin on..temptations do not become me..guyz wif good reputations? so wat??they dont appeal tt much to me..guyz who truly speak wif their hearts to wat i want den yes.. it appeals to me..unfortunately.. i dun take to males who are younger than me and or, otherwords.. ; immature!!!i need somebody independent enough to take care of himself.. dont do stupid things to make me mad.. mature enough to know tt i would love tt person and not him hanging around me whole day esp when i work..person who does not need to msg me n call me n demand for unreasonable attention..income stable enough to support a big family.. n think ahead wher reality is concerned..haiz.. too many to describe tt person i really want.. but now who really does care abt me at all?? i dunno.. will tt person really tell me honestly to my face in person??..da question is wen n wher n whether he will tell me himself alone wif me or not.. haiz,,,

2011-09-03T12:56:00.001+08:00

I find myself raging abt Wat had happened... I'm left alone coz no one cared...

guyz gif thrilling chase but onli to find them onli after my body n not my heart...

majority of them say they love me but den after tt they cheat n lie to me...

it becomes a fact tt they always lie..

n they Nv cared...

but den again.. which of them actually truly cared for me without all da lies n deception???

none???

who Will really care tt much to love me den???

heck... I onli need a guy who really cares to love me my heart n da real me n not Juz my body...

I really dun need tt rubbish..

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2011-09-03T02:16:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry.. but I'm a little too tired to blog more.. Nitez Nitez ya'll... :-*

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hmmm... Wat is dis thingy here???

2011-08-31T02:31:00.001+08:00

I can't feel anything but I do noe tt I'm toying wif my own fire...

too many to decide which path to go down to..

my conscience is telling me to stay away from everyone.. but my heart or Wat is left of it; whispers of it is telling me to find da one who holds my heart..

It'z a wild goose chase..

but practicality calls for me to wait n stop looking..

I'm caught in a tangle where I cannot get out of.. every where I choose da path out.. It'z stringed wif complications where I do not want to be in..

I hate triangles..

I ain't choosing again..

coz over da many times I chose, things happen n hurt so bad tt I lose myself where I realized tt I lose sight of my heart..

or my Will bein forced against me..

by da time I realized it.. It'z too late.. I lose every bit of my heart at every turn it breaks... it has passed da point of no return..

I'm not n I haven't been Wat I've needed to be.. I missed tt reckless abandon where my trust once were.. now It'z gone coz it was wrenched away from me..

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I feel rather sore...

2011-08-10T02:15:00.001+08:00

I want my own bed... I can't wait to be home... I'm still at changi.. Tml mornin Will hafta pack n load up n go work.. den head home n rest up..

I'm hungry n I want sleep.. but I dun think I can.. da hard floor made my back bone ache...

chalets make me sleep lesser..

I feel worse wen I can't relax much.. I need tt much needed rest...

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i'm tired...

2011-08-07T01:37:00.002+08:00

da wishings doesn't stop..

yet i haf no choice but to live wif it..

how was it tt to start a fresh n still hopin things would go back to normal..

yet tt person doesnt seem to care at all..

it juz aint fair.. i miss da things tt i once held dear to my heart..

tt was before i............

no.. now there is no shoulder for me to cry on.. i hafta go back bein da ice queen who will nv cry no matter how much it hurts...

da irony of it all is tt da ice queen will always bear da mark of da pain bearer; no matter wher she goes, she will shoulder da pain alone..

tt is me now..

da ice queen..

unless tt person shows up n comes to be da sunshine to melt away da ice in me n retreive n heal my heart.. den maybe i will den believe tt dere is hope which is very real n much alive..

my onli wish is tt.. wher my heart is.. ive lost it.. find it for me n i will love u for it.. onli den can i be whole again..

nice...

2011-08-05T01:44:00.001+08:00

I've gotta find sth lik tt sometime... :-P

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kns!!!!!

2011-07-30T22:45:00.001+08:00

seems lik things r getting boring!!!!

I wan to do or go somewhere where I can find sth interesting!!!!

*pouts*

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sore.. sing sing sing!!!

2011-07-26T00:29:00.001+08:00

ugh!! my throat feels sore n stretched... ytd sing.. todae sing... Tml sing...

Thursday n Friday oso sing..

very thirsty...

=________________="""""""

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Shld I or Shld I not???

2011-07-25T01:33:00.001+08:00

if tt person bothers or cares, he would call or sms me to meet up or sth.. but for now... I'll stick to Wat I've already known to exist..

I Will wait till da right person comes along..

so far, I've learnt more of Wat I want n need n Wat I can't accept..

I hate bad manners n there is a difference between rude n crude..
crude I still accept but not rudeness..

a true gentleman.. patient.. kind.. yet independent n enough to know wen I would need attention or not..

able to compliment to all da things I do..

n can adapt to sudden changes of environment...

n da very least indecisive...

I'm dominant in almost every thing but a true dominant would know how to follow as second base besides leading...

true dominant n very much lik alpha n omega dominant status..

n esp wen It'z already hard to find one wif these qualities n virtues, n as well as believe in Wat I believe in..

It'z so hard... life ain't fair.. it Nv was to begin wif...

I'll Juz hafta wait n see..

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2011-07-06T00:44:00.002+08:00

i dunno wat i'm doin anymore..

call dis lost but i'm tryin to pick up da pieces of my life back again..

i need to find my bearings again..

i've moved to a stage wher i'm startin over settin things right again..

life in shambles and rebuildin to who i am..

i fall.. i pick myself up.. n move on.. no stoppin me..

drivin force of me will keep goin n nv stoppin..

i aint givin up..

mistakes i make, i will learn from it n move on...

i aint gonna stay stagnant in one pit stop..

i aint seein nth..

hurt n cryin n wanderin aimlessly

2011-06-25T20:02:00.001+08:00

U dun seem to care anymore.. I cannot help but feel hurt.. I think I'll juz disappear den..

2011-06-22T03:27:00.003+08:00

shiatz!!! i miss u!!!

my heart is gone.. i cant bring it back..

i dunno wat to do without it..

writin ability.. gone..

composing.. i'm afraid tt is gone too..

i'm all tt'z left of an empty shell..

it aches wher it once was.. but unbearable wif sth missin from me..

my energy for anythin is gone.. i'm onli forcin myself to live n survive everydae..

nth seems to be da same anymore..

i'm tired.. i wanna cry but nth comes.. coz i cannot remember y da rule of not cryin for it still holds fast..

healed but not healed..

da memory of it fades.. i noe tt i'm helpless without my heart around...

i cant choose.. cant decide.. yet i want tt thing da most wher i cant seem to find..

glimpses of it flashes but disappears as soon as i blink..

i wont forget u but i noe tt i've moved to a stage wher dere is no return.. i cant turn back now.. onli to move forward..

2011-06-21T00:06:00.001+08:00

jetlagged...

body achin.. go sleep

2011-06-19T10:08:00.002+08:00

i feel dumb but i am goin sentosa!!!!

i need da sun n da water...

aint no turnin back now..

i'm hungry..

can't find food though..

2011-06-19T01:50:00.002+08:00

haiz.. to notify me..

is it tt difficult??

haiz.. emo...

i ain't gonna do anymore organizin anymore other than my gals bdaez..

damn disappointed..

plans.......

2011-06-18T14:47:00.002+08:00

okie.. todae will be church service at paya lebar.. meet up wif leon.. hopefully wif ting as well..

tml.. SENTOSA!!!!!

hahahaz!!! finally.. i'll get to c everyone on da beach.. i wonder.. is anyone else joinin???

gonna bring;

* twister game
* frisbee
* my waboba ball
* food
* coolman cooler filled wif ice

hmmm add on later..

2011-06-13T17:42:00.002+08:00

feelin down.. no money sux.. haiz..

headache.. *sobs*

sianz..

2011-06-13T16:25:00.001+08:00

no money... =.="""

it stopped.....

2011-06-12T15:15:00.002+08:00

da long wait..

i missed u lik...........

wat can i say now wen da secret is out??

i missed u?? idk

if u continue to be soo damn nice to me.. i juz might be.. u noe.. ermmmm.. maybe u dont noe.. or wont understand..

i onli can express it dis way.. :'(

argh!!!

wakarenai yo!!! watashi wakarenai wa nanitandaiyo no omae ga daisuki.. wakarenai aishiteru ne... watashi ga omae mata mata ne.. omae no honto ni daisuki ne!!!!

nanidaiyo o doshite no wakarenai...

dake naoshite kudasai ka, watashi ni kiete hochi shinai nodesu ka???

omae no watashi no koibito desu ka??

wakarenai ne...

anata wa watashi o oshiete kudasai dekimasu ka??

honto ni onegai ne!!!

jace..

2011-05-26T01:34:00.000+08:00

his dog.. O.o

is it da right time???

2011-05-26T01:28:00.003+08:00

he came back.. but i'm still holding back myself..

i dun wanna get hurt by him again..

todae is not da first time he has asked me back..

i really dunno wat to do..

my heart goes into my mouth everytime he is near me..

i'm scared of wat might happen again..

i'm lost..

Falling For You---Colbie Caillat---HQ

2011-05-16T16:15:00.000+08:00

yeah.. i guess i am........ O.o

colbie caillat - magic

2011-05-16T16:03:00.000+08:00

my dreams..

2011-05-16T15:32:00.002+08:00

dae dreams...

it'z freaky.. i noe but i find it weird tt i wan it to happen so much tt i'm afraid i'll be let down again..

thus da hesitations.. i crave for it yet i need tt space.. tt time between us..

it'z still incomprehensible to me...

my true feelings??? i cant possibly let u noe until u tell me wat u want wif me..

if u want me den i'll tell u.. if i'm rejected den it'z not meant to be..

too many factors to consider n so little time.. i dun need a sms or call.. all i need is u tellin me da truth to my face.. n we both need tt sincerity between us.. otherwise i wont stop to c any other point n i'd move on..

life full of heartbreaks.. wen will it ever stop??

wen will tt point come??

watashi wa koko ni anata o matte mo yo ne..

confused..

2011-05-10T01:58:00.002+08:00

No matter how many years I said I'll wait for u.. n thought tt da feelings tt had been gone, I realised tt I still couldn't erase u frm my mind.. it still feels raw inside..

I knew tt wen u touched my cheek, n no matter how much I dun want to admit.. I realised tt I still cared..

N I really dunno Wat to do wif it.. n it bothers me to no end...

does it???

2011-05-09T01:03:00.002+08:00

does it matter??? wher u were.. wher u at.. or idk..

wen u r around me.. it fills up tt hole..

wen u r not den it leaves me wonderin wen u will come back here..

y am i being ur doormat?? i'm still wishin tt u still actually care..

i miss u n it'z to it.. i dun dare to hope for so much coz i fear tt fall again would be worse than i once knew..

it'z juz soo hard to forget myself n ignore..

a small bit or a short while of seein u makes me happy but i try hard not to expect much no matter how many or much surprises u've put in for me..

i noe tt wen i was sick, u rushed here to make sure i ate, knowing tt i hadn't eaten all dae.. n den u rushed me to macdonalds to make me eat n tried to make me comfortable wen i felt dizzy..

i treasure tt moment.. esp wen i said i hated goin to da doctors, u respected me n let me haf my way n made sure i ate more..

time spent?? i treasured every moment..

but i dunno y i sometimes feel tt i'm losin sight of u..

my essence is goin soon...

naze watashi wa naite iru yo ni kanjiru nodesu ka???

watashi wa naite shitakunai ne!!!!

watashi wa chodo watashi to issho ni koko ni suru hitsuyo ga arimasu. sore wa subete watashi ga shitsumondesu..

haiz... juz upset.. nth much...

2011-05-03T01:21:00.002+08:00

i miss u..

da familiar ache tells me i'm abit lost..

i'm lost for words.. ;X

very familiar.. lik dejavu!!! argh!!!!

2011-04-18T01:17:00.002+08:00

he smelled lik u.. sounded almost lik u.. manners lik urs.. drives me around in his car n takes me to places i've nv been before in my life..

but he is a quiet yet insightful person.. he doesn't haf ur looks.. but passable..

but dang!!! he is so freakin nice to me!! his smile reminded me of u.. Y!!!!!?????!!!

tt scent tt my nose caught.. couldn't help by freezin into wher i was n my brain was screamin ur name.. n screamin dis question of why...

it'z too soon to know or confirm anything..

i've gone thru so much yet i'm still at a loss at how..

i feel da way i feel.. but how am i gonna say tt my heart was taken n fragmented by u??

http://www.sta.co.uk/downloads/

2010-11-26T15:40:00.000+08:00

http://www.sta.co.uk/downloads/

Everything with Lyrics Michael Buble

2010-11-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

yum!!!!!!!!!!!!

baby.. u r my everything!!

Michael Bublé - Haven't Met You Yet With Lyrics

2010-11-21T00:06:00.000+08:00

love his voice..

XP

how can i continue???

2010-08-10T00:51:00.002+08:00

i juz felt pushed.. writer'z block for so long..

my mind feels so dry.. and it makes me feel very agitated..

how???

2010-07-07T01:55:00.002+08:00

when u walk thru everything.. u realised tt there is nothing to fear of.. this also motivates u forward..

pivoting to an era where i'm still finding myself.. i gotta admit tt there are still alot more to learn..

my heart is still full of possibilities.. one where i cannot fully fathom..

i feel at home n not at home.. some times i feel lik crying when all da frustrations welled up inside.. of not being able to do the simpler things in life..

thinkin thru..

2010-06-01T00:29:00.004+08:00

i noe alot of things had happened frm da last couple of months.. up till now, i guess i nv got to do some reconciliation wif some pple..

for that i am sorry..

some pple, i juz up n left u in the dark coz u were in da first place nv dere for me..

some pple, i juz couldn't stand the fact where bullying juz simply came from u.. infact, i juz hate bein bullied by u n u nv once saw urself in the mirror when u did that.. u looked lik shit..

some pple, i thought to have a better life but again i was fooled by ur selfishness.. well.. until u lied in broad daylight.. too frikkin obvious n i juz played along wif u n c if u think of how much longer u can try to fool me..

some pple, i think the link is too weak.. there isn't enough time for either this or that.. no thanks.. i dont need to suffer anymore..

*********

for all those hurts n sufferings gave me a mental block on how to focus n c things..
not even to c clearly so as to where i was goin..

even though things r better now.. i still need to focus n change alot of things..

sensitivity levels.. priority.. etc etc..

i noe i'm still not eating properly.. i dont have enough time to eat.. i eat irregular hrs.. my breakfast, lunch n dinner is at 3 or 4 pm.. one stone kills 3 meals a day.. this is an everyday basis..

not healthy, but what to do?? no extra break time.. get sick.. c doctor until dont even bother to c doctor.. coz also no point getting any MCs.. otherwise, who open shop for u??

i sick oso still drag myself to work..

when sick - skin look pale oso muz disguise my skin to look healthy by company rules..

frm 3 pple workin in same place become 2.. then 1 take leave den another sick oso sick person still muz work full shift as instructed by boss

u tell me wat shld i do??

i'm getting weaker n weaker..

baby doesn't noe tt i'm worst off than he thinks it is..
it'll hurt him juz too much.. i cant let dis happen..
i hate hiding frm him.. y do i need to do dis every time??
i need to get well for him..

i have been doin my best to make it easy for him..

i noe i dont have time for myself.. coz i dont have tt thing to continue frm wat i have been tryin to out do myself..

9 yrs ago, marcus once asked me, what i do have to prove for myself??..

i nv had an answer to tt..

i pushed myself for not much of an apparent reason.. for all the wrong reasons, wrong thinking.. nv really came up with sth.. juz nth much..

god, how i hurt.. how much u must have hurt all these while.. ur pain n sufferings still cannot be compared to mine.. for urs is greater than mine..

i really need ur strength n wisdom.. n my heart is achin for u..

frustrated.. confused.. crying

2009-11-10T02:02:00.000+08:00

I have no strength left.. The pain comes but I can't cry.. When i'm left alone.. The urge to cry starts till I can control no more.. Wat is happening to me? All the signs are comin back again.. But I don't want it to happen again.. I don't want it to sneak back up on me again..

I don't know what is happening to me.. Or y either.. I controlled everything I could that is within me.. Am I breaking down already?

These attacks.. Pain.. They're getting frequent.. My chest does contracts n cause my breathing wif much difficulty..

It's a very raw feeling towards pain.. What is wrong wif me?

kiss tt good bye..

2009-09-26T01:59:00.002+08:00

kiss my ass or rather not wen it comes to men..

okie.. i'm cranky.. but so wat.. wen it comes to men, dey sux..

but wen it comes to my bitches.. i'm home..

men - get a grip.. we dun need ur excuses.. coz if u do, we'll do one very simple thing.. gif u hell n send u back to mars lik a dog kana whipped wif it'z tail in between it'z legs..

so dun come to venus or earth thinkin lik some hot shot wen u r not...

pissed

2009-09-17T15:23:00.002+08:00

had an attack again last nitez..

kept bangin da wall.. couldn't breathe.. i wanted to scream.. i can't let them noe.. not juz yet..

i really don't know wat's wrong wif me.. wen can u end my life of dis freakin misery??

i dun wan dis helplessness.. i am supposed to be strong.. not weak..

*crying*

2009-09-09T01:36:00.000+08:00

wat can u do wen u find urself trapped into a love so strong tt u can't have?

it won't matter if it'z a want or not.. but a need wil arise.. pain wil follow suit.. much of it wil cause a lot of hurt..

it'z forbidden n I took tt chance on love n i'm payin for it at a high price..

u can't imagine how much of it.. no one understands it.. they juz feel it without any understandments..

I took it all down wif risks.. my life could be takn away frm me any time.. I knew it wen I nearly had an accident near home.. n I was walkin home wif ks n we were talkin abt some stuff abt life itself wen tt happened...

dis whole month.. I can't believe i'm stil lovin u.. dis pain of knowin tt I can't have u was entirely mine to keep n not harbour..

yes, I enjoyed my time wif u... but I can't do things lik u can.. I haf a family to account for..

my brothers r stil in sch..

my parents r getting no younger..

n u can't expect me to choose u over them.. coz they r stil my family..

it'z juz not fair of u to do tt..

grandma'z juz not long ago passed away last month n grief stil fresh in me..

I can't deal wif anythin..

n todae u backed out frm meetin me..

I could call u a thousand negative names to brand u... but I won't..

i'm stil usin my last strength to rein in everything frm strikin at u..

my breakin point is when I really start cryin infront of u.. den maybe u can start to attack me..

I won't care anymore.. abt wat is it u do to me.. I juz can't..

i'll be helpless..

sometimes I juz feel lik endin my life instead of carryin on wif dis hurt.. dis deep hole in me..

an attack comes rackin my breathing n heartbeat.. sometimes i wish tt I can end it dere.. da torture of it.. makes me wonder y am I stil alive n pissed off at certain times..

wat r u to me? u ask?

wat do u think I am to u? n wat do u think u r to me?

y not u answer to tt?

when da answer is clear as da bell to u n u stil ask it..

pls quit askin.. juz accept it tt I love u n it'z beyond anyone'z understandin of y how n wat..

i'll juz let u go when u cal for a break off..

wat do u wan me to do?.. I can't do anythin since it'z ur cal for a break off..

da status of it now, it'z up to u..

u decide..

*cryin*

Stubborn Love lyrics

2009-09-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

Lyrics:

I'm caught again, your faithless friend
do you ever tire of hearing
What a fool I've been
guess I should pray what can I say
Oh, it hurts to know the hundred times I've caused you pain
Forgive me sounds so empty
when I never change
Yet you stay and say you love me still forgiving me time and time again

Chorus:

It's your stubborn love
that never lets go of me
I don't understand how you can stay
Perfect love, embracing the worst in me
How I long for your stubborn love

Funny me, just couldn't see, even long before I knew you, you were loving me
Sometimes I cry, you must cry too,
when you see the broken promises
I made to you, I keep saying that I'll trust you, though I seldom do,
yet you stay and say you love me
still knowing someday I'll be like you

(Chorus)

It's your stubborn love that never lets go of me
I don't understand how you stay
Perfect love, embracing the worst in me
and you'll never let me go
I believe I finally know,
I can't live without, your stubborn love.

pissed n frustrated

2009-08-30T15:54:00.000+08:00

not in a good mood..

ytd work wasn't good.. got a customer who pissed me off continuously.. thank god i didn't lose my cool..

came home n got screamed at..

todae not a good wan as well.. came home n quarrelled again..

y can't i make my own decisions for myself?? y muz i be treated lik a small 3yr old child??..

y can't things go well for once??

i'm stressed out.. i need a break.. i dun need to be screamed at anymore.. home isn't home anymore...

y cant i do my own things lik goin out wif frenz or bf?? i dun need anyone to control me.. i feel caged.. i want out.. i need out.. effin financial crisis..

dis haf caused everyones' lives to go havoc.. i've minimized everything.. wat else am i supposed to do??

i've add in more work load n its stil not enough??..

wat is enough??

y do pple can't feel or haf contentment??

i hate da world.. its selfish ambition to drive everyone into a rat race wif its saddistic nature to watch everyone torture themselves in a continuous cycle..

da nature of a female as well.. i hate it.. its freakin cramps drives me crazy wif pain.. it gives me attacks as well.. dis freakin mood swings as well..

i'm breakin down.. i'm tired of it all..

*cryin*

Mr Orion'z laundry dae..

2009-08-15T02:08:00.002+08:00

okie..

went to see pleseides shower.. at changi..

was tryin to locate aries.. ended up starin at Orion'z belt..

couldn't find his pants.. ended up starin straight at his underwear..

den wen i was home downstairs baby joked tt orion muz done another load of laundry tt includes his wife'z..

lolz..

coz my hse da basketball court has some lightin deco wif a flag.. n tt lightin deco had da shape of a bra...

it was hangin in da middle of da court..

lolz..

some wild thing..

O.o

crazy week!!!

2009-08-08T22:39:00.000+08:00

so tired...

so lookin forward to my 2 off daez..

really need a break.. everydae work.. no rest no fun..

i wan da beach.. bowlin alley.. pool tables.. swimmin pools.. CHALET pls!!!

i miss dragonboatin as well...

saw so many pple carryin paddles at IMM as well.. made me long n itch for my paddle n team..

i miss u guys.. i miss da constant " high " yellin for hard 10.. i miss our cheers.. n i tink i'm growin fatter liaoz..

i miss da hard trainin whereas wen i come home n i'll juz plonk comfortably into peaceful deep sleep..

i'm so lookin forward to my sundaez off daez as well..
no need to rush frm church to work..

which means.. from church to band pract..

lolz..

hmmm...

wen can i haf off daez juz to go for DB trainin??

i seriously need da exercise..

O.o

2009-08-07T10:27:00.000+08:00

got sth on later..

alot to do...

need to chiong..

welcome to crap zone..

2009-08-03T22:45:00.000+08:00

alot haf gone past with lotsa changes..

bad?? lots..

good?? some..

break ups?? ya..

hates men?? most..

tired?? ya..

damn sick of bein played n toyed wif.. get a life..

fallin sick again..

2009-08-01T01:41:00.000+08:00

nearly fainted at work.. wat wrong wif me?..

I dun need dis..

my chest n heart hurt lik hell..

y da hell is dis happpenin to me.. I felt lik someone juz stabbed me wif sth really sharp in my lungs n heart..

god I can't take it.. it hurts lik anythin.. I need to work.. i've 5 mouths to feed..

I am drained.. I dun need summore health probs..

too many things haf happened.. I need health n strength to go on.. n esp wisdom.. I need tt badly..

I noe it sounds funny but.. to bear pain lik a banner?..

hopefully by doin tt I won't be blinded..

gonna need my sleep...

sth to do..

2009-07-24T11:23:00.002+08:00

i noe i haf been very bz..

ray n i got together for a week n den he broke off wif me.. dunno wat'z his prob..

i guess he couldn't understand me..

rite now dere is so much to do.. so little time..

SI certs to complete.. jobs to work on..

yes i am on stress mode.. everything for me is goin abit too slow..

i need to get everythin done..

*frustrated*

inconsolable

2009-07-19T19:01:00.000+08:00

I am tired.. I need to be refreshed..

My body aches terribly.. My head is startin to hurt.. My eyes r tired..

I am hurt.. I need to stop dis pain.. I hate men who cheats, lies.. N treat pple of da opposite gender lik trash..

I am slippin away.. God help me.. But I am.. I am tired... Sick of it..

Every corner I go to, hurts me..

I am drained..

ass...

2009-07-02T00:47:00.000+08:00

really dun c a point to my family anymore..

a family not lik a family..

who r u kiddin me wif?..

u can't treat me lik a small gal anymore..

i'm sick of it.. i'm friggin' 21.. wat is ur prob?..

u r nv around at home.. u nv ask wat I want in future n den support me.. I get no support frm u.. da onli pple my family I can count on is mommy n daelen.. but wat abt u?.. u lost my respect for u da dae u did sth very wrong to meldon.. i've lost respect for u since da dae u confided mommy n called me orh yiu tang.. in other words.. oil barrel..

nv haf u once said sorry.. i'll nv back down anymore.. u proved to me tt u dun treat me lik a daughter.. i'll prove to u tt I am better than u..

n tt i'll be a better parent than u.. n tt u wil be ashamed of urself..

fancy callin ur own daughter an oil barrel..

i'm not a bimbo but a bitch.. da thing abt bitches is tt we bite really hard til it bleeds.. we make sure tt is wher it really hurts da most...

u can take everything away.. but u wil nv be able to take away my source n soul.. it'z been already given.. n dere is no turnin back..

Shit.. i hate bein sick...

2009-06-24T12:02:00.002+08:00

i'm bein yelled at..

i'm sick.. irritated lik shit... abt to scream... body achin in it'z killer mode..

tension headaches at night..

insufficient sleep...

i dun wanna talk abt love.. he cant even cal me..

i'm freakin sufferin lik ~~~~ ..

i'm havin mood swings as well..

my work got cancelled by some bloody full-timer who tells me, " oh.. coz somebody is comin back so we dun need u.. "

gonna quit da job soon...

hey... pple need to haf a stable schedule u noe... juz stop screwin around wif da schedules... i'm sick n tired of dis nonsense... i've got a family to feed.. n i've got a life to lead..

u freakin hell dun mess up my timetable.. if u put my off-daez on those daez.. den leave it be..

i've got another job to fill tt in for tt dae.. u jolly well dun last min call me for work n den accuse me of sayin tt i'm so damn bloody free.. n tt i can work everydae...

u better not fool around wif part timers.. u'll find tt u'll get ur hands burnt..

u eat us n step on our tails.. u juz wait.. coz sth wil come after u..

*damn bloody pissed off*

can't sleep ..

2009-06-22T02:25:00.000+08:00

i'm in a lot of pain.. tension headache n toothache..

my jaw feels lik shit.. my back, neck n shoulders r cramped n achin lik anythin..

I feel lik screamin.. da pain is makin my tears roll out..

I dun haf anymore strength to walk..

i'm fallin sick.. n i'm afraid of faintin at roadside if I were to be alone n outside ..

I nearly fainted again in shower juz now..

it'z gonna be much worse den da last time... I dun wanna be hospitalized..
dere isn't any money left to pay those bills...

i'm hangin on to wat little strength tt I haf left..

i'm on my own..

I hate da pain.. it hurts a lot.. i'm tired.. I juz simply can't sleep bcoz of tt stupid pain..

y muz pain always come at night ?...

I need sleep .. i'm getting irritated by dis stupid thing..

my last toes r stil numb since beginning of dis month..

I juz wanna scream.. so damn freakin upset n stressed out..

*cryin n frustrated*

the time has come

2009-06-20T00:55:00.001+08:00

Found love beyond all reason
You gave Your life Your all for me
And called me Yours forever
Caught in the mercy fallout
I found hope found life
Found all I need
You're all I need

The time has come
To stand for all we believe in
So I for one am gonna
Give my praise to You

Today today it's all or nothing
All they way
The praise goes out to You
Yeah all the praise goes out to You
Today today I live for one thing
To give You praise
In everything I do
Yeah all the praise goes out to You

All we are is Yours
And all we're living for
Is all You are
Is all that You are Lord

******************************

this song makes me wanna jump for joy.. tonitez life conference was awesome!!!

it rawkz!!!!..

XDDDD

New Moon inspired song Acoustic Original - "Death in Black and White" by Alex Pavia

2009-06-20T00:47:00.001+08:00

it melted my heart... XP

i juz hate men sometimes.. makes me sick n want to strangle them..

2009-06-18T08:55:00.004+08:00

i dunno y but maybe all men tinks dey can always take advantage of females...

yeah.. count me as a feminist but i've already been hurt n given them chances too many times to count..

heck.. i dunno y am i so kind to let them to do tt to me...

i'm so freakin pissed tt i wanna screAM!!!!

it makes me wanna shove all da broken or empty promises down their throats...

but den in da end who is gonna suffer for it?.. me..

coz dey already walked all over me n i let them.. juz hate myself for doin tt...

if i dun let them den dey'll complain n accuse me of being selfish n dey juz refuse to appologise...

if dere is one really true gentleman in dis world den all females would wan him.. includin me...

i'm juz sick n tired of bein hurt n bein promised empty promises.. promises tt nv comes true...

i hate it... it'z called lyin... a liar... n i hate lies...

juz dun make it up to me if u really dun feel lik it... coz it'll show whether u r really sincere or not... it'll show ur heart..

dun think u noe everything n den promise me da same old thing lik last time.. i'll up n leave before anything can happen...

i give 2nd chances dependin on situations.. dun abuse it...

u will lose me in da end..

*pissed n cryin*

Crazy Cat Goes Mental

2009-06-16T14:48:00.001+08:00

lolz... funny!!!!... XDDD

welll.......... O.o

2009-06-14T23:38:00.003+08:00

todae?..

totally fun... thanksgivin?? yeah!!!

tink i travelled to four places in a row...

hahaaz...

1st?.. church..

2nd?... Band...

3rd.. ghim moh market to buy baby'z meals... hahaz.. okie... den cabbed to suntec to surprise n pass it to him.. together wif his fav food frm starbucks..

4th... work at ... shan't reveal wher... XDDD

ended work at 9pm..

I really thank god for givin me enough time to buy food for him n bein able to surprise him at suntec.. n oso havin my pay in so tt I could travel n save time.. n be in time for work as well.. n esp safe journey back n forth places..

okie... I onli ate first meal at 11am sth... at band.. which was a meager pau n a few bits of sushi chicken..

I forgone my meals until 6plus... had mos burger for my dae meal.. hadn't had time to eat..

coz I rushed da whole dae.. hahaz... n it was worthed it.. to c him n pass him food.. n to c his smile was enough for me..

da joy of buyin food.. lolz.. I enjoyed it.. getting da best food in ghim moh market.. gettn his fav food frm starbucks...

waitin in line for da queue to get dem.. n havin a funny n embarrassing episode at ghim moh market..

lolz.. okie I was lik at da stall waitin for da food after I ordered.. den da gu asked for payment n he put da red plastic bag of food on da table..

I was lik, " hmm.. so fast? " ..

den I juz took it n walked away..

den I was wondering y my carrier was so heavy..

I checked.. I saw soup..

den was lik how come my soup got noodles?.. cool.. new soup?..

walked a few more steps n checked again..

wait sth not right.. erm.. how come da duck rice is in plastic bag oso?.. o.o

walked again..
den I realized tt tt wasn't rice!... so checked again..

den I was lik oh no!... two duck noodles for 3 bucks?.. tt is cheap!.. wait a min.. not mine le... mine is duck rice!...

so I ran back so embarrassed.. passed back n apologized profusely to dem n took da corrct pack...

XDDD
n it was lighter...

X333

wat a dae!!!... O.o

my needs n prayer..

2009-06-13T01:47:00.000+08:00

yes I miss him.. but I need to be strong.. Can't afford to be weak... No.. I can't afford to be tough...

I haf my weak points.. I juz need to be stronger... My walls of self strengths r crumblin.. I dun haf much to cling on..

I'm drownin in toughness.. In bein tough I am blind to all... Depression is comin... Lord dun let it come.. I dun wan to be lost again...
Take away my pain n hurts.. Heal me n make me whole again.. U r my sole provider... I surrender everything... Takin nothing back but giving all glory to u..

Lord I need patience... My gift of love tt u gave me is not enough to sustain me... But u r enough to sustain me... I need peace in my heart.. Coz I was nv at peace...

Lord take my pain n hurts away coz too much of those numbs n blinds me... I dealt a lot for me to bear.. But none is comparable to jesus bein nailed to da cross n all da sufferings he had gone thru...

Lord as I am here typin dis down n cryin out for u n as my tears roll by... Hear my plea... Pls.. Calm me n refresh me..

I pray for him as well.. Refresh him as he rest for da dae... N esp for da daez to come.. Keep him in good health.. Da bz hrs.. Da precious time spent together as well.. Everything goes out to u lord.. U haf given him back to me for a reason.. A promise yet to be fulfilled.. U set tt cause.. Lord help me fulfill it...

My prayer n plea lord.. In jesus name I pray.. Amen...

*cryin*

in pain

2009-06-06T23:48:00.002+08:00

owwwwwch!...

my feet hurts alot...

too many things to do...

sales r good these daez..

infact very very super great todae...

hmmm... i need better shoes... my current shoes r killing me... my shoulders r killing me too...

crap!!...

>.<

gonna eat my small dinner... had no time to really eat properly da whole dae.. super duper bz..

)>____<(

n i juz realized my last toes on both feet r numbed... is tt normal???

wil it go off??

*confused*

juz thingz..

2009-06-01T22:03:00.002+08:00

there were things tt weren't possible, made possible..

impossibilty was juz an understatement...

i find myself understandin more...

once i tot tt things were nv meant to be, became meant to be...

wen u found me again, my thoughts were lik, " okie.. is history gonna repeat itself? "

i was in doubts... i guess u can say tt u've pulled me out wher i couldn't pull myself out...

i didn't know how to react to da letter except i knew i would cry readin it..

i did alot of stupid things in my past.. things n mistakes tt shouldn't haf been done..

i did my best to be myself while u were gone for 3 yrs.. yeah.. silent treatments n reversing my entire life was nv easy..

i made sure u wouldn't come to know anything abt me.. i kept away from u coz i noe it might hurt u as well...

all da same.. i had my share of very dark daez myself..

well.. suffered was one thing.. learnin to cope independently was another..

dere were daez tt i was all alone wif no food to eat n no one around.. i simply fasted wif no intention of eatin anything... i learned to drag on without food for 4 daez..

n den dere were daez wen i juz couldn't understand why n wat i was feelin so upset abt..

i couldn't grasp wat was infront of me.. lik i lost sth..

i got myself bz juz to lose tt feelin of loss.. i had no time for anything.. i made sure my schedule was fully packed..

home was juz a sleepin place for me to rest for a few hrs.. den it was either work or sch or other lessons...

i'm not complainin either.. coz i got to learn...

i wasn't brave enough to push through everything... i nv told u all da rest.. coz if i told u, it'll probably break ur heart n make u regret..

no.. i dont wanna do tt..

i dun regret what i've gone through either... coz i've learned n understood my gifts better..

i learned to let go n love at da same time...

each love is nv da same, no matter how similar da situation was..

wen adversity arises, i learned how to deal wif it..

yes, i may not be strong.. but wif god'z help i'll get by..

understandin me is nv easy.. me to understand other comes easy..

u noe me as well as i noe u.. ur ways ur actions.. n esp how u'd feel in a certain situation...

i told u b4 tt all i need between us is transparency..

i was really surprised wen u did sth for me unasked for at starbucks... ty baby.. i really appreciate tt very much no matter how tiny tt sth was..

lik i said, i literally really do notice da smallest things tt u do.. even if it'z for me or someone else..

i've been tryin to be lik hosea... he is someone i really look up to.. i haf my faults lik who doesn't.. onli jesus doesn't...

my main aim is to give an unfailin love tt is unconditional.. no matter wher my faults lay, i'd be dere to give love freely.. n not feelin any obligations either..

lovin as always n hopin to wen we can see each other again..

*sighs*

need slp...

2009-05-30T23:53:00.002+08:00

insufficient rest...

gonna plop to sleep soon...

my shoulders r freakin killin me...

it hurts alot...

>.<

i want a massage!!!!

T.T

If You Only Knew Official video (Savannah Outen)

2009-05-28T11:33:00.001+08:00

shit!!!.. sai!!!.. POOP!!!...

2009-05-28T00:16:00.002+08:00

i'm hungry...

>.<

stupid stomach.. all it does is breaks down..

so not gonna eat!!!...

humph!!!

re-discovered lyrics..

2009-05-27T22:58:00.002+08:00

********************************************
All I Ever Wanted

Album : Purest Of Pain
Artist : Son by Four

Save every little kiss for me tonight
like the one you gave me once upon a time
and when the moon and stars come out to shine
I'll tell them each and every one of them you're mine.

Open the little box of memories
of all the times you gave yourself only to me
just when I thought our love was dead and gone
the story turns a page to carry on.

Cause you're everything I ever wanted, all I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
since the day that you went away I've been alone and broken hearted
but what my heart really wants to know
if you're gonna stay or if you're gonna go
and I'm telling you please if you're coming back into my life...
don't ever say goodbye.

Que tú eres lo que más quiero, lo que yo más quiero, lo que yo más quiero
since the day that you went away I realized you're all I live for.
but what my heart really wants to know
if you're gonna stay or if you're gonna go
and I'm telling you please if you're coming back into my life....
don't ever say goodbye....

**********************************************************************

sth juz clicked wen i read my older posts...

ya.. it was dis lyrics to dis song...

kinda nearly cried coz i do noe wat i want...

let'z juz rebuild it back again together...

*hugs*

yeah.. i'm worried...

2009-05-23T22:52:00.002+08:00

okie... i didn't do much todae... coz i'm particularly worried abt him...

da next worry was tt i had a story line in mind.. it was clear to me da other nite n now blurry todae...

i'm growin abit frantic over it...

i hafta complete da first chapter.. well at least da first chapter i guess...

god help me but i need to do dis... i need to dig dis out wateva i've left from my secondary sch daez...

sad.. but ya.. i'd admit tt i haven't written anything tt good since secondary sch...

under alot of pressure, it juz might work again.. or izzit gonna break me down?..

i dunno.. i hafta try otherwise i'd nv noe...

yeah.. i'm feelin frustrated tt i couldn't pen it down.. in dreams it appears.. my frustration clouds my judgement...

my odd midnight cravings is stil dere.. both hungers strike at abt da same time...

ya.. i'm wierd...

>.<

da funny thing is tt teachers couldn't get da y part of me.. of how come i could produce such compositions n stories n write dem down in less than 30mins??..

hahaz... those were my dreams tt i remembered.. n esp my nightmares... not all of dem were written down... coz some of them r visions..

shan't say more.. gotta do sth else..

da feelin is comin soon...

XP

anxiously waitin...

2009-05-22T23:36:00.002+08:00

okie...

i tink dis week has alot of fulfillments tt came true...

da promise of torturous rain.. coz it causes achin probs..

2 is da answered prayer of job...

3rdly... good therapist n specialist... which is for my knee..

another is bear who came back into my life n we're slowly rebuildin back wateva we've lost... it'z gonna be abit hard on me coz i need patience... i need god to gif me strength to build me up...

i cannot afford to be tough.. otherwise i'll be blinded to wateva help tt god provides me wif...

strength to be strong.. patience to bear out my mood swings...

bleah... crappy html blogskins... >.<

2009-05-16T21:18:00.002+08:00

wth...

all da blogskins havin prob wif html!!!

all of it doesnt haf end tags...

i've gotta test my patience again to edit everything...

doin dis editin to keep myself preoccupied... n it'z for coconut'z blog..

helpin her do da layout...

hmmm...

i'm stil waitin for bear bear to cal me..

while waitin.. i'm lik at serangoon.. coconut'z place...

hahaz...

think i'll do summore editin ba...

O.o

achin!!!!...

2009-05-15T00:20:00.000+08:00

can it rain any sooner... or storm?...

friggin pain can?...

knees ache..

ankles ache..

fingers aches..

wrists aches..

elbow aches...

shoulders aches..

I feel lik an old hag..

wat da?... pls rain sooner...

i'll start cryin if u dun rain.. friggin agony of waitin for u to rain takes patience away to piss anyone off...

*winces n whines*

emo-in' abit...

2009-04-30T12:57:00.002+08:00

shoulders r killin me... cant stand much of da pain... it'z makin me wanna cry...

i'm tired n ready to break down... i hate pms coz it always makes me feel dis way wen i've nth much to occupy my mind or entire body much...

i noe i'm a bz-aholic... coz if not my excess energy wil start to freak me out...

i dunno..

......

Matt Redman - Facedown (Welcomed into the courts of the King

2009-04-29T21:34:00.001+08:00

it'z helpin me to keep calm... n my focus is on Him..

n i love it...

XP

givin it time...

2009-04-29T21:08:00.002+08:00

i'm waitin... i'm waitin...

in less than 3 to 2 hrs time... my countdown wil be over...

babe i dunno wat is right for me say right now... but i'm juz waitin for u to cal me...

so ya...

tt is abt it... i wont reveal any further...

XP

Stavros Flatly - Greek Irish Dancers - Britains Got Talent 2009

2009-04-27T21:37:00.001+08:00

lolz...

super funny la.... weirong msn-ed it over...

hahaz... nice one!!!...

XDDD

argh!!! impatience pervadin' my own self...

2009-04-27T20:23:00.002+08:00

i am impatient!!!!...

god noes how impatient i am rite now..

feelin shitty... n crapped up now....

idiotic pms-sal mood swings...

plus da most irritatin body aches invadin wif a sense of coagulating added torment to my body....

i hate da weather... pls god, dun take too long to rain... coz i hate tt tormentin ache in my bones... ya.. i may complain lik an old hag wif old pple joint prob.. doesn't make me any older within their age grp...

O.o

watever...

i'm gonna battle out dis wan...

>.<

O.o

i need motivation...

2009-04-22T00:33:00.001+08:00

i need an energy boost...

physically tired... bored to da brainz...

need to swim badly...

stressed lik anythin for music...

wants to row boat too...

deprived of attention...

O.o

learnin patience...

2009-04-18T23:53:00.002+08:00

i'm learnin patience...

hahaz.. my cg leader as well...

both of us got da same goals...

learnin patience in progress...

any out bursts of impatience is purely unintentional so pls excuse us...

XDDD

******

i'm lookin forward for tml...

lesson starts tml... plus many many questions to ask...

hmmm... gonna sleep early soon due to earli service...

yeah!!!... cant wait...

n i cant wait to meet up wif baby too... missin him lots..

babe dun stress urself up too much okie?..

love ya... cant wait for anni to come too..

hehez...

i'm already dancin wif joys of fire tt is in me...

i'm assured in faith tt i'll carry out da good lord'z plans as his tool...

in jesus name i pray.. amen!!!...

XP

i tink maybe...

2009-04-16T11:06:00.002+08:00

nellies gave me an idea of wat to gif baby for anni...

i wont really share wat i wrote wen i was at home though...

but i dunno y wen i started writin.. it felt as if my body was on fire n made me haf tt urgent feelin to write...

it'z been a long time since secondary sch tt i've felt tt urge to write...

n tt 2 tunes kept at my head n mind...

juz makin me wanna sing it out loud...

babe if u r readin dis den u probably shld noe tt u've made me do a come back on my songwritin...

coz i was thinkin of u n wat to gif u for anni... but i noe now... my greatest gift is u... lovin u comes easy for me... understandin comes easy... patience for me was nv easy... so bear wif me... i'm learnin to keep patience at my side...

n i wanna make u smile n i'll tink of different ways to do it... keepin love n time precious n cherishin every moment...

my lord u've given me sth n someone i'd nv knew would give me dis reaction of joy encompassed wif lessons at every corner of bein wif him...

juz sharin a simple meal wif a shared prayer wif him for u to bless our food.. brought me joy...

my prayer has been answered...

ty lord...

let ur glory shine around, king of glories..
n i fall facedown as ur glory shines around...

as wat matt redman had sung...

XP

missin him all da more...

2009-04-15T11:45:00.002+08:00

okie... goin out wif nellies later...

baby called me last nitez...

chatted for awhile... both of us missin each other alot...

i'm juz waitin for him wen he isn't tired n haf enough sleep to meet me...

coz i dun wan him to fall sick... n he is jugglin wif 3 jobs at one go...

weekdae works... dae jobs... n graveyard shifts...

weekend shifts n esp after church he has to work...

i worry wen he doesn't get to eat any meals...

hmmm... anni comin soon... stil dunno wat to get for him...

a bracelet engraved?... i dunno...

*wonders*

oh yar... plus i changed churches juz last week... went to trinity at adam...

lookin forward to cell grp dis fridae...

hehez...

XP

arghz!!!!! my brainz!!!!!...

2009-04-14T14:42:00.002+08:00

headaches!!!!

okie... tryin my best to learn moonlight sonata piano score...

my piano is crappy...

out of tune.... bass string broke or rather snapped...

affected all da stupid tones...

cant repair now coz no $$$$!!!... arghz!!!...

>.<

damn... y on earth muz tt string snap????!!!!!!!....

now i've gotta bear wif tupid springy noise it makes...

*sobs*

tired...

2009-04-13T23:54:00.003+08:00

physically tired...

haven't got enough slp for da past week due to wakin up in da middle of da night coughin badly..

headaches....

dizzyness....

factors?... pms has ended....

things i need to do...

2009-04-08T11:38:00.002+08:00

Ncap courses...

classifieds...

swim...

n destress...

cant wait for saurdae....

i wanna get my horseshoe crabs... it'z a dae for relaxation n fun...

haiz....

i'm already feelin lik i wanna scream at him... i dunno y... post pms moods?...

dunno...

my mood sucks...

>.<

am i givin myself stress again?...

2009-04-07T23:26:00.000+08:00

unstable rs... broken trust... broken hearts.. feelin very uneasy... dunno y..

i wont talk...

2009-04-04T02:27:00.003+08:00

nth can replace dis feelin of dejavu...

i do hate myself wen it comes to my gift of doin certain things at best...

my gift is my curse... my gift is a double edged sword...

who can bear my own wounds?.. wounds tt dun heal?...

i hate bein expandable...

i hate bein taken for granted...

most of all.. i hate liars..

n pple who cannot keep their dirty hands to themselves....

these pple i'd nv entertain..

keep ur opinions to urselves... only my gfs n my inner circle of pple has da most say...

coz they noe me best as i noe them...

dun try to climb on top of my head... i'll break ur neck n toss u aside if u do...

jerks who do tt actually kill themselves in da makin...

i'm really not in da mood to play...

can i juz haf my rough day n my own distraction wif my own pple?... in peace?...

i'm tired n i wanna slp... but i cant due to my own reasons...

i noe i'm feelin unstable... juz dun make me more unstable than it is... i cant deal wif it right now...

i'll keep my thoughts to myself... all dis is for tt particular person... u noe who u r if u ever come back n come across my blog...

i dun need any jerks in my life... i dun need add another health causin factor to my life...

uncalled for stress makes me sick physically...

pls dun ask or add in anymore... i really dun need it... i dun wanna die so earli in life...

if mom can get leukemia wen da results r out... den so can i...

to gif me stress is oso to gif my mom more grief..

i haf enough of grief... i dont want it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

lord.. i am tired... i've been patient n impatient over and over again...

time n time again.. it happens... y lord?... for wat reason or thing or lesson r u showin or teachin me?...

i surrendered everything n again i surrender all unto u... wateva it takes for me to be a willin heart for u... juz lik a lamb for u lord...

lord help me...

dis is my prayer.. my cry.. my plea... my tears.. my helplessness...

i'm not gonna complain on how many pple muz u take away frm me...

no matter how much it hurts me... i onli do it for u... for ur voice to whisper in my heart...

onli to plead to u for merciness.. n strength... keep me in ur hands while i last to be ur tool..

ur double edged sword...

to make everything work accordin to ur plan...

in jesus name i pray... amen...

htw...

2009-04-02T15:11:00.002+08:00

die la.... i'm missin him even more...

wen can i c u???!!!!!!....

argh!!!...

*pouts n sulks*

=)>o<(=

310309... my belated birthdae prezzie...

2009-04-01T11:51:00.002+08:00

hahaz...

i'm happy... contented... even though i'm havin my blody cramps... lolz...

love ya babe.... u dun noe how much dis means to me... an answered prayer is wat u r...

XP

...zzzz Livin' it right zzz...

my onli prayer..

hurt enough..

it hurts..

betrayals..

I wanna run away..

my heart hurts..

y???

I long for u...

things aren't as they seem..

mind..

indecision but decided..

041011... i'll always remember tt mornin.. ;)

dun quite noe how to put it.. but....

y???

hmmm... Wat is dis thingy here???

I feel rather sore...

i'm tired...

nice...

kns!!!!!

sore.. sing sing sing!!!

Shld I or Shld I not???

hurt n cryin n wanderin aimlessly

plans.......

sianz..

it stopped.....

jace..

is it da right time???

Falling For You---Colbie Caillat---HQ

colbie caillat - magic

my dreams..

confused..

does it???

very familiar.. lik dejavu!!! argh!!!!

http://www.sta.co.uk/downloads/

Everything with Lyrics Michael Buble

Michael Bublé - Haven't Met You Yet With Lyrics

how can i continue???

thinkin thru..

frustrated.. confused.. *crying*

kiss tt good bye..

*pissed*

Stubborn Love lyrics

*pissed n frustrated*

Mr Orion'z laundry dae..

crazy week!!!

welcome to crap zone..

fallin sick again..

sth to do..

*inconsolable*

ass...

Shit.. i hate bein sick...

can't sleep ..

the time has come

New Moon inspired song Acoustic Original - "Death in Black and White" by Alex Pavia

i juz hate men sometimes.. makes me sick n want to strangle them..

Crazy Cat Goes Mental

welll.......... O.o

my needs n prayer..

*in pain*

juz thingz..

need slp...

If You Only Knew Official video (Savannah Outen)

shit!!!.. sai!!!.. POOP!!!...

re-discovered lyrics..

yeah.. i'm worried...

anxiously waitin...

bleah... crappy html blogskins... >.<

achin!!!!...

emo-in' abit...

Matt Redman - Facedown (Welcomed into the courts of the King

givin it time...

Stavros Flatly - Greek Irish Dancers - Britains Got Talent 2009

argh!!! impatience pervadin' my own self...

i need motivation...

learnin patience...

i tink maybe...

missin him all da more...

arghz!!!!! my brainz!!!!!...

tired...

frustrated.. confused.. crying

pissed

pissed n frustrated

inconsolable

in pain